*I normally don’t focus on this type of topic when I write, so this is not a type blog post, but this is something that I felt needed to be shared and something that I experience personally. If by sharing I help just one person feel less alone then that’s amazing.*
Ok I am just going to come right out and say it! Anxiety sucks!! It sucks hard!! There are so many different forms of anxiety out there and every single person has different things that trigger theirs.
Some people suffering from it like myself are able to keep it well hidden so that people closest to them don’t even know about it. You are still able to function on a day to day basis but something as simple as picking ups the phone to call someone is a big deal.
Everyone goes through stages where they hide or conceal what’s really going on underneath the surface. Some of us struggle and push our way through the hard times in silence because we don’t want to burden others with our issues or we simply just don’t know who to trust with the information.
There have been a couple of times lately when I have had mild anxiety attacks in public. I have been standing in the middle of the supermarket isle trying to even out my breathing and generally pull my shit together without alerting anyone else around me that I am freaking out about being around so many other people. I don’t handle crowds well.
I have days where if I didn’t have kids that had to be dropped off at school I wouldn’t get out of my pjs let alone leave the house. I also have weeks where I would be happy if I didn’t speak to a single person. (As a side note I will say that I am NOT depressed). I will say yes to doing things or going somewhere and then try to find a way out of it without having to upset anyone. I will practice over and over again a conversation in my head before I pick up the phone to make a simple call especially to someone I don’t know. If I am in a situation where I don’t feel comfortable I will struggle to make eye contact and will not contribute much to the conversation which at times may make people think that I am cold or rude.
I have all these feelings and emotions that go through my head constantly but they are, 9 times out of 10, ones that very few people would ever see on the outside. You see I have coping mechanisms that I put into place to conceal what is going on inside. Not to deceive others but to protect myself. I will offer to help others in a heartbeat but I am rarely one to let on that I may need support myself.
The way we treat others can and does influence how they see themselves. Sometimes words that are said flippantly that you don’t mean to hurt or harm leave someone second guessing their self-worth, especially if they have anxiety.
Regular or consistent exposure to narcissistic behaviour from someone will do damage that can take a long time to heal. Self esteem and self confidence is something that many take for granted until it has been eroded.
I guess the point I am trying to get across is that you never know what is going on behind closed doors.
Be kind with your words and your actions. Be the kind of person that will ask someone twice if they are ok if you can see that they may not have been 100% truthful the first time you asked. Be an example of the kind of person you want your children to grow up to be!
Remember that you don’t have to have your shit together all the time! It IS ok to be a hot mess!! It is ok to sit on the couch in your pjs every now and then when the kids are at school and watch daytime tv eating ice cream as long as it isn’t every day!! It is also ok to ask for help when you need it.
So I will say it again Anxiety sucks and it sucks hard!! Just remember that there are many of us out there and that you are never alone!
Love, Light and Blessings 💜💫🙏🏻